As a twenty something I often feel like I'm living in a strange space. I'm definately not a child anymore and have no excuse to act like one (dammit) but I'm also not quite a grown up.
Maybe Britney Spears was on to something when she belted out "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman" back in 2001. Although on closer inspection it appears that heartfelt pop number was penned by a forty something Swedish dude called Max. Hmm. Anyway, there are many things about being a twenty something that emphasise that feeling. One of them is being in a long term relationship.
Being in a committed relationship in your twenties is both an odd and fantastic thing. Maybe the strangest part is there's really no accepted term that describes a couple who aren't married or engaged but are beyond the realms of 'friends with benefits' or dating. The best Facebook can come up with is "In a relationship"- it doesn't exactly give you a plethora of options to choose from. Although, I prefer to leave that box blank anyway to avoid the slightest chance of that broken heart symbol making it's way onto my wall, inviting people to post sad emoticons as a gesture of sympathy...ugh.
I actually still haven't found a term which I'm comfortable using for my other half (yep hate that one too). 'Partner' is probably the worst of them all, yet the one most commonly used by twenty somethings. I shudder when I use it but I have been guilty of dropping the "p" bomb on occasion. Mainly because the alternative is 'boyfriend' and that makes it sound as if our relationship consists of giggling when we see each other across the field and calling each other after school to make sure we're still 'going out'.
There's also the fact that the Government won't even recognise a long term relationship unless you've been living together for two years. I feel a bit naughty when I tick the box on the census saying I'm single..."Hey babe, just out on a date with that guy from work because you know technically....". Um no.
Then once the Government recognises that you are in a relationship you get slammed with the 'defacto' label. Who came up with that gem I wonder. It sounds more like an evil robot than a relationship status. Something to look forward to I guess as Tom (aka partner, boyfriend etc) and I have been living together for about five months- with other flatmates mind you (big difference!).
Moving in together was quite a big step for us and has kind of cemented our 'committed' status. When I say we share a bed I can say that we literally share a bed. I bought a brand spanking new one mere months before we bunked in together. Mine had a better base- his had a better mattress so we've mixed and matched. Quite a step really which could lead to some awkwardness if we go our separate ways (my Mum snatched up the leftovers for the spare room at home).
When you think about it, a twenty something relationship is really about firsts. First shared room, first joint account, first time...ahem, oh ok that may have happened earlier on. Recently Tom and I have made our first joint purchase (not counting the paddling pool we invested in last summer) in the form of a DSLR camera.
This expensive new toy is beautiful and makes my amateur point and shoot attempts look magazine worthy. But as great as it is, the fact that it is owned by both of us has caused a bit of tension...like for instance, who gets it for Christmas? We're not quite ready to start choosing which family gets the privilege of our presence for the silly season so figure each to their own is the best policy this year. I've managed to get custody of the camera somehow which scares me a bit. It's like I'm babysitting this thing and if I break it I'm in BIG trouble...maybe I should have asked for the paddling pool instead.
One thing that is brilliant about twenty something relationships is the joint income. Ironically I have never dated more than I have now being in a long term relationship. Mainly because dating is expensive!
With our bank balances combined we are officially DINKS (Double Income No Kids). Our most recent indulgent DINK experience consisted of a weekend in the Hawkes Bay looking out of place at fancy wineries, drinking and eating and well...drinking and eating. It was bliss and gave us a great excuse to use the new toy (which we shared with very little squabbling).
Not to say that twenty something relationships are a walk in the park...or vines. If I've learnt one thing from my experience, being involved with another twenty something is quite the adventure and definately a learning curve. Lesson number one for me being; don't get your feet near the pillows...seriously.
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